Perfectionistic Thinking and “The Myth of Right”
The “Myth of Right” is the illusion that a perfectly “right” decision exists that will keep us free from discomfort and pain
When it comes to making life decisions, it’s of course prudent to weigh the initial pros and cons of a choice. However over-thinkers, and those with perfectionistic thinking or OCD thinking patterns, can tend to get stuck in loops thinking a “perfect” decision exists that will lead to complete ease. This way of thinking is an illusion and leaves us feeling stuck in terrifying indecision.
What is often going on here is an attempt to control the uncertainty of our lives by telling ourselves the false story that there’s a perfect way out of uncertainty…and if we can just find it and settle on the “right” choice, we will be free.
Instead, we are invited to embrace the idea that there is no “perfect” choice, but an opportunity to embrace uncertainty while connected to our personal values.
Here are some tools to have more resilience toward uncertainty and making tough decisions:
Radical Acceptance:
After you have weighed the pros & cons and realized this isn’t a straightforward decision, how can you accept that:
Even if I make what appears to be the “right” decision, life is full of uncertainty and unexpected changes
Thus, there is no perfect choice
It’s a guarantee in life that I will face discomfort. I have some, but not complete, control of avoiding discomfort
2. Values-Based Thinking
How can I base my current choice on the factors that I am currently deciding to value and prioritize in my life right now
For example, one choice might represent authenticity, and another might represent a value like stability…neither of these values is superior to the other. But we get to pick a storyline that matters to us and commit to it, “and right now am choosing to value [fill in the value] even if it ends up leading me astray in the worse case scenario.”
*Homework: make a list of all the words that reflect your current life values (i.e, connection, bravery, risk, sustainability, stability, self expression, etc)
3. Reminding Yourself of Your Ability to Cope
Get in touch with all the ways YOU can cope with difficult or undesired outcomes
Think about all the ways you have previously learned to cope, adapt, pivot, adjust, ask for help, and problem solve in past situations. Connect back to the part of you that fights and calls to action.
We can’t always avoid undesired outcomes, but we CAN cope with them, and we often have an incredible sense of resilience and clarity when we do.